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When Kay and I moved back to Oregon in 1996 our friends, Iral and Gwen Barrett, asked us to spend time with some of the Young Life staff in the Salem area. In a couple years there were several of these dedicated young people we were privileged to meet with. Chad Watson suggested that we could provide opportunities for personal reflection and also for community building if we invited them to meet together for a day once a month. For the past 18 years I have had the privilege to do this with some the Young Life staff in my part of Oregon. During these times of quiet reflection (followed by some vigorous discussions) I have learned a great deal about my walk with the Lord and I have also been privilege to be part of a community of people who are living the teachings of Jesus.

Many of these reflections have also been used with other friends who I study with and they seem to be of encouragement to them as well.

This summer I have spent many hours editing these reflections adding some additional quotes from more recent study and organizing the material in ways that should be more helpful. There are a about 150 of them.

It has been suggested that other friends might like to use some of the reflections in their personal times of quiet or with some of their friends. The best way I could come up with to make them available is to post a sample of one of them and the list of all those that are available. If any of you would like some of the reflections you could send me an e-mail and I will respond with the reflection (s). If you don’t have my address you could note it on this blog and I will respond.

In the rare event that you want quite a few of the reflections I can put them on a USB stick and mail them to you for whatever it costs to do that.

So here is a sample reflection — followed by the list or reflections:

Control and Manipulation or Relinquishment and Influence

Control and Manipulation

“I did write a letter to the church, but Diotrephes, who wants to be head of everything, does not recognize us! Although he wants to be leader he refuses the duty of welcoming the brothers himself, and stops those who would like to do so.” 3 John 9-10 (Phillips translation)

“These three demons are in all of our lives: the need to be effective, the need to be right and the need to be powerful or in control. If God isn’t on your side, you’ve got to fix and control your world. Who else is going to? Why wouldn’t you? Many people’s religion is an obsession with security—and not just economic security: security of reputation, status, and image. If you are trying to control everything you don’t have faith. People of faith don’t have to control everything, nor do they have to change people.” Jesus’ Plan for a New World by Richard Rohr

“I’ve been throwing things away with a passion. I wish it were as easy to clean up the inside of my life, to throw away my rebellious spirit, my selfishness, my pride and control, my pettiness.” A Tree Full of Angels by Macrina Wiederkehr

“Of course, the man is the Head. But we are the neck and we turn the head wherever we want to.” An African woman

“We are often tempted to think that love gives us the right to work toward what we perceive to be improvement in our spouse (or our friends, or anyone God brings into our lives). This is manipulation and it has no place in our soul friendship.” Sacred Companions by David G. Benner

“One of the greatest ironies of the history of Christianity is that its leaders constantly gave in to the temptation of power—political power, military power, economic power, moral and spiritual power – even though they continued to speak in the name of Jesus, who did not cling to his divine power but emptied himself and became as we are” In the Name of Jesus, Reflections of Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen

“Control takes may insidious forms. Pressuring people into conformity, shaming their lack of performance, rewarding only those who meet our standards, withholding relationship—these are some of the common ways we manipulate with illegitimate control. The root of control is our own fear—fear that we will look inadequate or unsuccessful unless others perform as we expect. The Upside Down Kingdom by Donald Kraybill

Discussion questions: When are you most tempted to control others? Who are you most tempted to manipulate? How is that working for you? How do you deal with those who manipulate you?

Relinquishment and Influence

“Spirituality involves the ‘letting go’ of three needs: the need to be in control, the need to be effective, and the need to be right.” The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham

“As parents, we have an exaggerated notion of our power to make our children different, to accelerate their development, to change their habits, likes and dislikes, we waste endless nervous energy. Or we nag. Or we hint endlessly and elaborately. Or we leave significant books lying around accidently, books full of advice our children need. Or we plan to have key people in the house at critical junctures. We scheme. We plot. We wax eloquent and enthusiastic trying to light sparks in our children. Relinquishment consists of a freeing from a whole series of rights and delusions which are not truly rights at all but costly territorial claims ministering to my discontent and delusions of power over a vehicle driven by another.” Parents in Pain by John White

“Human beings do not lose control of their lives. What we lose is the illusion that we were ever in control of our lives in the first place.” The Preaching Life by Barbara Brown Taylor

“Detachment: an ability to live at peace with the reality of whatever happens. It means not allowing either worldly values or self-centeredness to distract us from what is most essential in our relationship with God and with each other. It is not resignation, but a vigilance that allows a person to recognize that whatever comes is a gift from God.” Amazing Grace by Kathleen Norris

Jesus identifies his followers as salt and light in the world. Salt is fulfilling its role when it disappears into a substance enhancing the essence of the substance. Much of the influence we are to have will be invisible to all but the few whose lives have become more tasteful and fulfilling because we have served them. Some of the time the good deeds we do as servants of the Lord and as servants of others will sparkle in a way that others will be influenced to give glory to God. Kelly Kenagy

“Soulful people are the necessary salt, yeast, and light needed to grow groups up. Just two or three in each organization are enough to keep them from total self-interest. The two or three gathered in deeper truth, create a whole new level of affiliation, dialogue, and friendship.” Falling Upward by Richard Rohr

“The best thing any of us have to bring to leadership is our own transformed selves.” Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” John 13:3-5

“In a radical fashion, Jesus, by example and word, establishes servanthood as the way in which his followers are to lead others. He expressly repudiates every secular model of leadership in favor of servanthood.” Leadership, Greatness and Servanthood by Philip Greenslade

On one occasion as James and John were becoming convinced that Jesus was the Messiah and he was going to set up his reign on earth they began to think of how they could share this power. So they asked Jesus if they could sit on his right and left so they would have positions of authority – authority that would give them great control over others because of the immense power of Jesus. Jesus was quick to explain that in his kingdom power and control were not the goal. There was nothing wrong with desiring to have influence – but it was gained in an unique way: “Whoever wants to be great must be your servant for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

“On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.’ By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.” John 7:37-39

“We are not only to come to Jesus once in penitence and faith, but also thereafter to keep coming and to keep drinking, because we keep thirsting. . . Drinking water becomes flowing water. We cannot contain the Spirit we receive. We can drink only gulps, but as we keep coming, drinking, believing, so by the mighty operation of the Holy Spirit with us, our little sips are multiplied into a mighty confluence of flowing streams.” Baptism and Fullness by John R.W. Stott

How do we assess our influence?

“It is not easy to value ourselves and our work accurately. How do we gain a vision which puts our own work in a perspective that is neither too conceited nor too degrading? In all likelihood, society itself will not give us this vision. We must turn elsewhere—to our sisters and brothers in Christ.” Friend of the Soul by Norvene Vest

Discussion Questions: