The first century was an amazing time for the expanding church as people who loved Jesus spread the message all over the known world. 

There were several factors that made this possible. The first factor was a geographical one—the expansion of the Roman Empire made travel throughout the known world possible. 

Another factor was that the followers of Jesus were more committed because of the persecution they endured.  When the Communists took over in China in 1949 there were about one million Christians in the country.  At that time all churches were banned and it was against the law to practice Christianity.  Twenty years later, when the country opened up, there were fifty million followers of Jesus.  Persecution in the first century and in the twentieth moved the followers of Jesus to a more intense and life-changing faith.

And the persecution enhanced the third factor which was already foundational.  And that was the small group fellowships modelled by Jesus and lived by his earliest followers.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. . . They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. Acts 2:42, 46

The first factor is abundant in our day.  Never before have we had communication systems that encompass the whole world as we do today.  The factor of persecution is prevalent in many places but almost non-existent in North America.  The third factor is one that we who love God can live out in meaningful ways in accord with Jesus’ words to the Eleven who were with him just before his death:

Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

So this writing is to encourage us to walk together with a few as Jesus did, and taught, as the early church did throughout the Roman Empire.

The Value of a Small Group

“If we ask how the most remarkable of the miracles of history was performed, we are amazed at the simplicity of the method.  The world needed a saving faith and the formula was that such a faith comes by a particular kind of fellowship.  Jesus was deeply concerned for the continuation of his redemptive work as the close of his earthly existence, and his chosen method was the formation of a redemptive society.  He did not form an army, establish a headquarters or even write a book.  All he did was to collect a few unpromising men and women, inspire them with the sense of his vocation and theirs and build their lives into an intensive fellowship of affection, worship, and work.  One of the truly shocking passages of the Gospel is that in which Jesus indicates that there is absolutely no substitute for the tiny redemptive society.  If this fails, he suggests, all is failure; there is no other way.” ~ Alternative to Futility by Elton Trueblood

“Small groups are God’s gift to foster changes in character and spiritual growth.  Jesus loves small groups.  He, with the Father and the Spirit, formed the original and quintessential small group.”  ~ Community 101 by Gilbert Bilezikian

“Jesus understands the value of concentrating on a small number of apprentices.  It is worth noting that his method is a group process, not one-on-one, though he does sometimes narrow his focused training to a small group.  From the Twelve he chooses three to give extra attention – Peter, James, and John.  These three receive the most intense training as they accompany Jesus in special moments.  As one might expect, these three emerge as the leaders of the apostles in the early chapters of Acts.”  ~ Developing Church Leaders through Apprenticeship by Carolyn Johnson

“The almost uncanny thing about culture making is that a small group is enough.  So do you want to make culture?  Find a community, a small group who can lovingly fuel your dreams and puncture your illusions.  Find friends and form a family who are willing to see grace at work in one another’s lives, who can discern together which gifts and which crosses each has been called to bear.  Find some partners in the wild and wonderful world beyond church doors.  And then, together, make something of the world.” ~ Culture Making by Andy Crouch

The above quotes communicate well the necessity and the power of walking with a few who are following Jesus with us.  This becomes a life-changing force in our world because it is a place where our lives are changed.  It is true that if we go deep with a few, as Jesus did, our capacity to love the many increases and the impact on our world also expands. 

A question that often comes up when people consider being part of this kind of a group is: Who do you bring together and how do you bring them together.  Jesus gave direction about this.  He told his followers to note that the harvest was ready and that we should pray to the Lord of the harvest for laborers to join us.  The prayer not only nudges God forward but it makes us sensitive to the ones who will be the ones to labor with us.  If we are not praying, these special people can walk right by us and we never even see them.

Then as we begin to meet, one thing that is necessary for this small group to become a transforming life-sharing gathering of people is that in the group there is at least one person who cares for each other person in the group.  So initially, each person is drawn to be part of the group because this person cares for them.  When they sit at the table they know there is someone at the table who loves and cares about them.  Gradually, over time, similar bonds of friendship between all the participants are established as each person begins to share deeper things because the one caring person has made this a safe place for them to share their lives.

Richard Rohr in Falling Upward puts this idea in these words:

“Soulful people are the necessary salt, yeast, and light needed to grow groups up. Jesus does not demand that we be the whole meal, the full loaf, or the illuminated city itself, but we are to be the quiet undertow and overglow that makes all of these happen. Just “two or three” in each group are enough to keep them from total self-interest.”

The Essentials in a Life-Giving Small Group

The most important factor in a life-giving group is that the focus is on Jesus Christ.  Ruth Haley Barton makes this clear:

“In the initial formation of Jesus’ community we see that these called ones  became Christ’s community, not because they were drawn to each other or were seeking some special experience; they were called to be with Jesus, and by virtue of their relationship with Jesus they came into relationship with each other.” ~ Life Together in Christ by Ruth Haley Barton

There are two ways to perceive what it means to meet around Jesus.  The first is center-set and the other is boundary-set.  Christendom is broken and divided all over the world because of the emphasis on holding on to the boundaries of “correct’ theology or “correct” spiritual disciplines, or “correct” organizational practices.  When we establish these boundaries we inevitably disqualify far more than we embrace.  However, if we keep the focus on Jesus it leaves the door open for anyone who wants to know and follow him and it frees all of us from the judgmental attitudes that block the experience of meaningful life that Jesus wants us to enjoy.

None of us sees Jesus perfectly.  Paul told his friends in Corinth, For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known, (I Corinthians 13: 12). So how can it be reasonable to make each of our partial understandings of Jesus be the basis for including or excluding others?

As we keep our focus on Jesus we also want to love each other the way He loves us.  There are levels of intimacy.  We are limited by time together and by space in our inner lives.  The space does increase as Jesus becomes the one who orders our inner lives for there is less of us demanding attention and thus more inner space in which to welcome others.  But it is important to choose carefully the friends with whom we choose to share our lives.

The following are the things we want in our friends, and of course they also describe the godly character we want in our lives as we seek to be their friends:

• They should be secure enough that they can listen to us without being intimidated, or being fearful of the issues presented. Otherwise they will not allow the issues to be sufficiently discussed and developed.
• People who will bring mutual growth to each of our lives.
• They should demonstrate a desire to walk with Christ and live responsibly. Otherwise they will not have a Godly perspective or Godly wisdom to bring to us.
• They should want the best for us and be ones who will pray about the deep issues we share with them. Otherwise they will betray our confidences or be alienated by our weaknesses.
• A person who knows failure and forgiveness so they can bring that to the relationship.

Other Specifics in Walking Together

To move from our natural inclination to care more about ourselves than about others requires some coaching on how to do this.  Several authors have given us some ideas about the important factors in doing this:

“It’s in community that we begin to see the value and goodness of others who cherish what we cherish but hope to preserve it in ways different than ours.  We go to groups in order to become our best selves while we enable everybody else there to become their best selves, too.” ~ Radical Spirit by Joan Chittister

“Respectful listening with a closed mouth is a skill many adults seem to have forgotten.  We listen to each other as well as Pharaoh listened to Moses.  I have been musing on this experience and the difficulty of patiently being silent and letting others speak fully, with pauses, starts, and stops.  Are we uncomfortable with being silent with each other because we don’t practice it with ourselves and with God?  When we truly love each other, we will truly listen.” ~ Krista Brumberg Stevens

“Listening is an art that must be developed.  Someone who is filled with ideas, concepts, opinions and convictions cannot be a good host.  There is no inner space to listen, no openness to discover the gift of the other.  It needs the full and real presence of people to each other.” ~ Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen

“It’s in community that I can admit my own deficiencies.  It’s there that I can make up for what I lack by encouraging the growth of others.  It’s there that I can attach myself to teachers who have been nourished by the acumen of the ages.  It’s there that I get a close and personal glimpse of holiness alive and flourishing.  It’s here that I become conscious of the glory of God in others.” ~ Radical Spirit by Joan Chittister

“It was part of God’s genius to incorporate us as one body, so that our ears have other ears, other eyes, minds, hearts, and voices to help us interpret what we have heard.  Together we can hear our calls, and together we can answer them.” ~ The Preaching Life by Barbara Brown Taylor

“At times the strength of our community lies in the love of people who refrain from getting caught in the trap of trying to fix everything for us, who pray for us and allow us the pain of wilderness so that we might become more deeply grounded in God.” ~ Group Spiritual Direction by Rose Mary Dougherty

“Groups of any size seethe with ideas.  There are as many ways to do a thing in a group as there are people in the group.  That is the very foundation of creativity.  But the successful group is a group with a common mind.”  ~ Radical Spirit by Joan Chittister

One of the desired goals is that we learn to walk in agreement with each other.

“Jesus promised his followers ‘that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.’  The Greek word for “agreement” is sumphono and it means to “sound together”.  It is the base word for our English word “symphony”.  In a symphony we do not play the same instruments and we do not even play the same notes. The joy of the music comes when those who are playing do so as directed by Jesus in a way that produces a harmonious sound.”  ~ Kelly Kenagy

 Another desired goal is that we learn how to live mutually submitted lives.

“When we engage with the ideas presented by these insightful authors it prepares us to experience something that is rarely talked about in Christian circles and seldom practiced.  That something is the command that the Apostle Paul gave his friends in Ephesus: Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.  Our first thought about the idea of submitting to another is that we give them a power over our lives that is not desirable.  But what if we thought of this as similar to writing something and submitting the writing to an editor for ideas that will make it better.  Jesus style of submission means that we share the important things in our lives with trustworthy people who then bring wisdom and insight that makes our lives better.” ~ Kay Hotaling

Rick Baugh also brings some clarity about the purpose of our walking with a few with these words:

“One aspect for the group to be healthy is for each person to be open to what God has in mind for them to do and become. It is amazingly difficult to invent what each person should do.  We want to help each other discover how to be God’s person right where we are in family life, in friendships, our work and civic engagements.  To move into this deeper life we can help each other overcome the barriers to wholeness in our total lives.” The small group is a means to an end and not the end itself. The group is a means for each person being supernaturally transformed by God’s love rather than being morally constrained by Jesus’ moralist commands. I have seen too many groups become proud of the group existing rather than how each person has become God’s person doing what God wants right where they are.  When we absorb God’s love deep within our being we would have an easier time getting beyond ourselves to be free to love others.”

A Concern or Two

In our society today there is an expression: FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out.  This is a concern in our meeting together that C. S. Lewis addresses:

“One of the dangers of a small group is that our insecurity gives us the desire to be inside this Inner Ring and the terror of being left outside.  I am not going to say that the existence of Inner Rings is an evil.  It is certainly unavoidable.  There must be confidential discussions: and it is not only a bad thing, it is (in itself) a good thing, that personal friendship should grow up between those who work together.  But your genuine Inner Ring exists for exclusion.  There’d be no fun if there were no outsiders.  Exclusion is no accident:  it is the essence.  The quest for finding your value by being in the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.” ~ The Inner Ring by C.S. Lewis

We have learned that it is not helpful to talk about this special group with others who are not in it. This is not to encourage secrecy but when we tell others about these special friends it makes them feel like we don’t value their friendship as much as we do the friendship of those in the group.

And we have to be on guard against the human tendency to want to be in control because of our insecurity and our desire for affirmation.  Years ago a few of us were meeting weekly sharing life.  We were also praying for our community and for our state.  Unfortunately, when we saw God bring things to pass about which we prayed, we began to think that in some way this made us “in charge” of what God was doing in our part of the world.  So instead of our relationships producing life for others our desire to control was a dividing factor in the Body of Christ where we were.  It reminds me of Diotrophes, who John wrote about in his third letter.  Diotrophes wanted to be first and he shut people out so he could be the most important one in the local fellowship.

Small Group People are a Blessing to Many

Jesus went deep with a few so he could bless the many.  As noted before, Jesus gave a new command to the Eleven who he had been with for three years sharing life at the deepest level:  “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” And then he spoke of the many:  “by this love everyone will know you are my disciples.” 

Many thoughtful writers affirm this truth.  Two to ponder:

“Saving the world seldom comes from grand top-down schemes, but from a critical mass of small, grassroots efforts that redeem specific situations from their slow slide into destructiveness and bring the advent of renewal.  Larger groupings of human beings don’t function well unless they contain clusters of these ancient primal groupings.” Survival, Sanity, and Salvation by Robert Corin Morris in Weavings

“Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship.  Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.” The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis

Most groups begin with people sitting facing each other learning how to love each other. This is foundational in building the intimacy of our friendships.  But as Lewis indicates, another way we experience what God has for us in our group is that we not only focus on our love for each other, but we sit side by side as partners in caring for others. This brings help to the many others, and the partnership we experience with each other as we care for others brings another dimension of partnership to our growing friendships. 

How can it get any better than this?  God’s ordaining our meeting together in small groups helps us love Him more; brings people into our lives for mutual sharing that heals and empowers us; and equips each of us to be a blessing to many. And it just might be something God is using to change the world.